Walmart.

After 10 minutes of searching for help, I grab the phone behind the counter and call for assistance in computers. A gal comes, but she doesn’t know anything about computers. She finds a guy who can help me.  We go to computers and begin discussing options. A lady interrupts,  “What’s the difference between Dell and HP?” He answers her. She says, “Can you come over here for a minute?”   She takes him.

I follow.  She starts telling us about her Dell experience, and how she spilled Coke on her last HP desk top, and how her son told her she shouldn’t eat while on the internet, and how some computers have fuzzy screens. She wonders which computer will do her Facebook games the fastest. I’m surprised at my patience. She wants to know if I play games. “No, I don’t play games.”

The woman chooses the biggest screen laptop because she’s 64-years-old with bad eyes.  I tell  her all 60-year-old people have bad eyes.  My guy unlocks the cabinet and grabs her laptop.  Since I was here first I tell him I’ll take the computer we were looking at.  He says, “Sure, as soon as I ring her up.”

I follow them to the cash register. I’m not letting anyone else horn in on my guy. While my guy is ringing up the computer, the woman tells me her granddaughter leased a computer at school then had to give it back.  She tells me that’s not safe, and that her granddaughter is going to go to orthodontist school. My man tells her what she owes and explains her warranty. The woman pulls out a wad of money. There’s money all over the counter.  She’s digging in her purse.  She doesn’t have enough.  Oh, dear.  She calls her son for advice.

My guy refunds her money and they head back to the computers. I follow them. We’re starting over. Her eyes are bad; can she get the same screen size?  Is there enough space for her Facebook games? What brand is this?  Is it better than a Dell.  She doesn’t like Dell computers.  After 20 questions and several minutes she chooses a cheaper computer.  I follow them back to the cash register.  She’s got enough money. She tells my guy to tape the receipt on the box so no one thinks she’s stealing it. She tells me she’s making chickens for supper.  She wants my man to point her to the chickens. He points. She’s off to find the chickens.

Finally, just me and my guy.  We head to the computers.  Here she comes. “Hey, my son says laptops get hot. They can burn up. I need a lifter or something.”  My guy looks at me.  I don’t want her to call her son so I nod, “go ahead.”  I follow them to computer accessories. My guy hands her something and tells her to pay for it with the chicken.  She’s happy.

I’ve got him again. Within 10 minutes, he gets my computer, rings it up, I pay, and kiss Walmart good-bye.  I wonder if that woman realizes how lucky she is that I was not the woman in the Walmart video?  I could have found someone to beat the crap out of her.