I joined the neighborhood Crime Watch committee. The members are close to my age and they wooed me, promising fun and beer. Maybe I’ll invite them to our neighborhood Bunco.

I arrive at Peggy’s for my first meeting. There are name tags in the entry. That’s okay; I see a bucket of beer. We take our places in her living room. No one grabs a beer. I’m asked by the committee which month I’d like to walk the neighborhood at night to make sure everyone is compliant with their outdoor lights.

“Uh, I don’t walk at night. I could get mugged.”

Oh, okay you don’t need a month. For those of you who have a month, if you find someone’s lights aren’t on just knock on their door and tell them. They may not realize their lights are out.

“Uh, if you knock on my door at night, I won’t answer. You could be a murderer.”

Oh, right. Let’s write down the addresses and send emails. Now, what about bushes? People need to keep their bushes low. Email anyone whose bushes are over 3 feet tall. Also, check out the houses with side entrances, those people should have their porch lights on. A burglar could spend all night on one of those dark porches.

More emails. I want a beer.

Next on the agenda – Bluff Road has overgrown brush almost covering the sidewalks. That is part of our community, but the city needs to take care of it. Someone could be hiding in that brush and grab a walker. And, I’ve seen coyote footprints. It’s dangerous. Joe, can you call the mayor’s office?

“I walk on Bluff Road all the time. Where is this brush?”

Which way do you walk?

“North, south, all over it and on both sides of the street.”

Well, then you’re walking right through it.

“I am? I haven’t notice brush.”

Do you take your phone when you walk?

“Yes, with earbuds and Pandora blaring. Now, I’ve got to worry about thugs and coyotes?”

Not for long. If the mayor doesn’t clean it up, our committee will clear it out. Everyone knows which month they have and Joe’s going to take care of Bluff. Now, who wants a beer?

I’ve never waited so long for a beer in my life.

“I’ll have one.”

I’m not telling this group about Bunco.